Qiuyi Qiuyi
The Astronaut Diagnosis: Exploring Individual Autonomy Through the Prism of Cimics Narrationg DDD
Summary
The Astronaut Diagnosis explores the tension of narratives between medical discourses and one’s autobiographical memories of the fragmented experience of depersonalization. It reflects on how medical diagnosis can undermine an individual's autonomy, speaking more broadly to the identity shifts and challenges that medical diagnosis, especially that of mental disorder, brings with it, both on an individual and social level.
In contrast to the study of psychiatric disorders from a medical perspective, where the subjectivity of the patient is often in a state of fragmentation and absence, literary works can often provide a holistic description of various mental disorders from a different, first point of view than the medical perspective.
Memoir depiction using comics is a visual Slice, a form of active dissection. Unlike MRI and fMRI, which are customarily used in medical diagnosis where the object of slicing is the brain and corresponds to the passive experience of 'diagnosis,' the experience of dissection through comics is an active emphasis on human autonomy. Formally, it is a kind of memory slicing that is the opposite of medical slicing. On the other hand, my experience of depersonalization is closely related to my experience of studying art. While experiencing depersonalization, to escape from the 'flatness,' I avoided painting as my mode of creation and turned to sculpture as my primary medium. This project is also a re-examination, return, and reflection of the drawing medium.
Additional info
This research grew out of an experience of depersonalization that began 20 years ago. It has been with me for almost as long as I can recall.
In 2017, I was almost constantly in the grip of DDD. The world to me became like a single, transparent cell from which there was no escape, and my senses continually shook my belief in reality. I felt as if I was losing my grip on my sanity and needed help. Finally, I went to a hospital to get a diagnosis. Since starting university in 2018, I have been investigating the origins of DDD through artwork and research and wished to be more proactive in combating the effects of depersonalization, the sense of isolation and inauthenticity, for instance.
I moved to the UK in 2023 for postgraduate studies, and perhaps due to the initial discomfort of my new location, I experienced DDD for a time, during which I felt a blurring of my memories. For me, the superimposition of my past and being abroad reinforced the ambiguity of my memories and left me uncertain of my identity. To counteract these DDD feelings, I tried to find an understanding in a non-medical way, from memory, time, and identity, by creating an autobiographical comic strip. This process revealed the complexity of DDD in my life, and it became more than just a patient identity label.
This thesis of the project helped to build the medical context of the comics practice by combining a medical study of depersonalization with a personal auto-ethnographic narrative in which I reflect on how DDD diagnosis has impacted my self-understanding and identity. In this part, auto-ethnography and literature review are the principal methodologies. Through this body of work, the impact of a diagnosis of mental illness on an individual's identity and autonomy is clarified. From the perspective of patient identity and autonomy, it may be possible to provide new ideas for improving the situation of patients with mental illness. In addition, given the scarcity of subjective accounts by patients within the medical system, auto-ethnographic accounts of patients diagnosed with depersonalization can contribute to this.
The practical part is the "re-understanding of the DDD experience through comic narration" mentioned in the thesis. Through this active narration and creation, I regained my autonomy, which was once undermined by my DDD patient identity after being diagnosed. In comic creation, I use comic creation, visual metaphors, autobiography narratives, and personal archives as the primary methodologies. Although DDD is much more prevalent than it used to be, attention to it is still lacking compared to mainstream mental disorders such as depression and anxiety. This comic strip adds to the narrative of this experience in a visual way that can promote social inclusion. Personally, this comic is meaningful, as it has helped me move beyond a one-dimensional medical understanding of DDD and established a significant connection between me and my memories on an emotional level.
Until today, DDD has almost been a thing of the past for me; however, 'the foreign country of the past' never seemed far away to me.
Introduction
